Phil's Handy Tips!

Save money!
Instead of buying one of those automatic plugs which switch your lights on and off to confuse burglars, try crawling around the house at random times and switch the lights on and off yourself!

When making an atomic bomb, remember to keep the plutonium away from the heat of the Aga and, of course, out of reach of children.

If you do not have a proper gong to summon your guests and family for dinner (or yours has simply gone in for repair) try cutting an acetylene bottle in half and suspend the top half from a ceiling beam. Hit this with your hammer and it makes a passable imitation of a real gong and can be heard all around the house!

Aircraft carriers are easily cleaned using vinegar! Avoid the costs of all those expensive anti bacterial and acid fungal removers AND the cost of dry-dock charges with this simple remedy.

Need an address book?
Simply take an old phone book, and cross out the people you don't know. Hey Presto!

Stop rats from eating your false limbs! Coat your prosthetic with a mixture of Epsom Salts, Fullers Earth, tincture of violet and vinegar - and sleep easy at night.

Buy Glastonbury tickets at half price.
This is actually quite hard to achieve, but with skill, determination and a visit to our sister site http//:www.blackmailacompletestranger.com you could get lucky.

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